Marriage
Until recent times, betrothal among the Chinese was a matter with which the parties concerned had little to do. The general practice was to employ a go-between, or match-maker as she was usually called, whose professional duties were to approach the two families involved with the particulars regarding the suitability of both the man and the girl, including their horoscopes. When everything was in order, a suitable date and time for the marriage ceremony to be* held was fixed after consulting a professional fortune-teller. Both parties then proceeded to make the necessary arrangements for the wedding. All these pre-nuptiarites were believed to be promulgated by the emperor more than two thousand years ago. They were customary rites and had no bearing whatsoever with religion. Then, the young man and girl had no freedom to choose their own life-partners. The general firm belief was that matches were made in heaven, and Heaven it was which decided who were to become husband and wife, and parents had merely to follow the will of Heaven. In later times, the Chinese developed the belief that the marriage between a man and a woman was in some way linked to there previous births when they were also man and wife. This isperhaps due to the influence of the Buddhist religion which introduced the doctrine of kamma and rebirth. With the influence of modern education and Western lifestyles, young Chinese of opposite sexes mix freely nowadays and they have freedom to choose their own life-partners. Match-maker are no longer needed and although young people place little importance on horoscopes, many of them still believe that propitious dates and times for marriage ceremonies to take place should be carefully selected, lest the marriages might not turn out well.
In the past, before the introduction of Civil Marriage Laws in the country, there was no limit to the number of wives a Chinese man could marry, ft was the customary practice for an immigrant to take a local woman as his secondary wife, although he had already been married in China before his emigration. The bachelor immigrant usually married locally, but the number of wives he would take depended on his financial position. Many of those who became rich had several wives and large families, and among such affluent families legal suits involving property distribution among the descendants were not uncommon. Chinese Mahayana Buddhism does not forbid a man from having more than one wife, but its teaching concerning adultery is clear and simple. A person who knowingly commits adultery will be reborn in woeful or unfortunate state after death. Those with secondary wives may argue that their relationships with these wives cannot be regarded as adultery, but then this is open to each person's interpretation. Since the Chinese are more concerned with the acquisition of material wealth, this matter is not of great importance to them. The younger generation of Buddhists who have had more opportunities to learn the true teachings of Lord Buddha, whether they belong to the Mahayana, Theravada or Vajrayana schools, are more religiously-minded and take the daily observance of the Five Precepts more seriously. Moreover, unlike their parents, they now have the freedom to mix freely with members of the opposite sex and therefore are not restricted in their choice of life-partners. They have learned the Sigalovada Sutta and the Mangala Sutta, whereby they abide by the advice given therein and live a happy married life based on mutual love and respect between husband and wife. Many temples provide the social environment for healthy mixing of young men and women and participation in wholesome religious activities which bring about many a close friendship, blossoming into genuine love and affection and happily leading them to the marriage altar.
Although the young Malaysian Buddhists of Chinese descent of today are no longer as knowledgeable about the culture of their forefathers* their knowledge of the Buddha-dhamma and the task they set upon themselves to propagate this knowledge to those who are ignorant of it as well as their participation in some rites in the temples together with elders have not completely severed them from their ethnic identity in some temples, the Government!has appointed several lay leaders as Assistant Marriage Registrars who are authorised to solemnize civil marriages for Buddhists who wish to take their marriage vows. After the ceremony, the couple proceed to the temple shrine room to receive the blessings of the resident monks. The simple religious service held in front of the Buddha image in the presence of the bhikkhus is symbolic of invoking the blessings of the Holy Triple Gem. Of greater significance here is the religious vow that the couple take to live the Buddhist way of life in accordance with the teachings of Lord Buddha. The bhikkus chant to invoke the blessings of the Holy Triple Gem and deliver a short sermon giving advice to the couple. The bhikkhus are not invited to participate or officiate at the wedding. Very often, the happy couple arrange to give alms to the Sangha, after which their friends and relatives partake in the wedding reception specially arranged for the occasion.
According to ancient Chinese custom, marriage was considered a private matter between two individuals and their families, and the Government seldom had cause to interfere. This official attitude towards marriage was in complete agreement with the liberal Buddhist view on marriage which is that marriage is entirely a personal a individual concern. Although there are no religion laws concerning marriage in Buddhism, there art* however, good and valuable advice given various discourses of the Buddha on how to live a happy married life. Buddhists who marry according to the Civil Marriage Laws of the country are not permitted to have more than one wife at a time, although there is no mention whatsoever in Buddha's teaching regarding the number of wives . a man could have. Nevertheless, in the Parabha Sutta , the Buddha explicitly mentioned that should a married man go to another woman out of wed-lock, that could become the cause of his own downfall. If a married couple follow the Buddha's injunctions strictly, there should be no cause for them to seek a divorce, although Buddhism does not prohibit separation or divorce. Because of the importance given to 'face' in Chinese culture, Chinese professing the Buddhist religion seldom seek recourse to divorce in a court of law, even though all efforts at reconciliation have failed.
Although considered legally married after taking the marriage vow in the presence of an Assistant Registrar of Marriages who then issues a marriage certificate to the newly-weds, most Chinese still adhere to the age-old custom of performing the tea-offering ceremony after which relatives are offered cups of tea by the bride and bridegroom. This simple ceremony, though of no religious significance, provides a means of Introducing the bride
and bridegroom to their respective in-laws and other relatives, who offer their gifts in cash or kind as well as wishes for a long and happy married life. On the wedding night, a nuptial dinner is usually held by both families to entertain their relatives and friends at which much conviviality takes place.
Tang Tein Beng
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