by Dennis T. Sibley
In keeping with the spirit of the Buddha's Noble Eightfold Path, I would like to respectfully consider the principle of "Right Dying". In recent years a great deal has been written about what might be called "the ecology of death and dying": numerous articles and books are available to inform us about the physical, psychological and social care of people facing death from terminal disease. All of this is surely welcomed. But what the Western world has lost, and now so desperately needs, is a spiritual guidebook on the art of dying. It is time to re-discover the principle of "Right Dying".
Most Buddhists will probably have heard of the Bardo Thodol, which was translated as The Tibetan Book of the Dead by the Tibetan scholar, Dr. W.Y. Evans-Wentz. Is this not a book on "Right Dying"? There can be little doubt that much can be learned from a careful study of its venerable writings — if we are both willing and able to open our hearts and minds to its particular metaphysics. (The Artes Moriendi or "Art of Dying" literature that was so popular throughout Europe during the Middle Ages also has much to teach us.)
But what of the modern Western Buddhist who lives in the midst of a society that is still haunted by a fear of death? Where can he or she look for a way to come to terms with mortality? Who can guide the modern Westerner through the gateway of death, and how can he or she prepare for the inevitable journey beyond? These are questions that concern us all. We all will die. If we can practice "Right Dying" in the midst of life, we can in a sense write our own spiritual guidebook and many of these questions will fall away.
"Right Dying" is founded on the Buddha's central teaching of mindfulness. Without mindfulness the contemplation of death creates a great fear in the human heart. The practice of "Right Dying" can teach us to face the fear, know it for what it really is, and thus transcend it.
In presenting the principle of "Right Dying", I would like to acknowledge my great debt to the brilliant and sensitive work of Stephen Levine, whose approach to dying people is unique. Although widely known in America as a gifted teacher of Buddhist meditation, his work with terminally ill people is virtually unknown in England. His gentle approach to death and dying has helped me to see the importance of "Right Dying" in my own work as a nurse in a small hospice.
Stephen first began working with dying people at the invitation of Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, a remarkable Swiss-born American psychiatrist, whose own work with dying people has revolution alised the psychological care of terminal illness all over the world. In the late 1970s Stephen was asked to direct The Dying Project under the auspices of the Hanuman Foundation. The project offers a free consultation service by phone, and a newsletter for those confronting a terminal illness or the grief of a recent loss, who wish to investigate their experience as a means of spiritual awakening.
Stephen Levine's guidance through meditation is aimed at opening the heart, and allowing uncomfortable feelings to exist in a safe space where they can be acknowledged for what they really are. When we can be open to what is unpleasant and uncomfortable we can be open to the experience of dying I have tried below to outline six steps towards the practice of "Right Dying", They have been freely adapted from Stephen Levine's work and the credit lot their originality is rightfully his. The arbitrary division into "steps" is my own and can be ignored if necessary: I simply used them in this way to point up tlx principle I have called "Right Dying".
1. FACING DENIAL
For the Westerner who lives in such a death-denying culture as our own, facing up to our personal and cultural denial of the reality of death is the first important step We have been conditioned to deny the reality of death: every year we spend millions of pounds on cosmetics, face-lifts, toupees and hair-dyes, in an all out attempt to cover up the lessons that the decay of the physical body could teach ill We are obsessed with fitness and look upon the old and the infirm almost aj second-class citizens. Denial is a state of the conditioned mind, and the practice of mindfulness enables us to break free of this conditioning. A growing sense ol awareness gives us the space to perceive denial as denial, and in that moment we are free. This is the first (and therefore the most important) step in moving towards the acceptance of what is unacceptable.
2. EXPLORING DEATH THROUGH ILLNESS
Tibetan Buddhist traditions often make the point that every obstacle or difficulty in life is an opportunity to learn. It is difficult to learn when all is going well. Every small headache or attack of flu, every major operation or infectious disease, can be an excellent opportunity for melting our resistance to life as it is. Whilst we struggle for satisfaction from moment to moment, and view our predicament as either fortunate or unfortunate, we are missing the great teaching of impermanence. In the cosy comfort of the armchair we can nod agreeably at the teaching of impermanence, but during a bout of flu with a body racked in pain and discomfort we have an opportunity to know the reality of anicca. Again we must open ourselves to the reality of the uncomfortable.
3. REFLECTING ON DEATH
The misfortunes of others make up a large percentage of our daily diet of news. Whilst we are immersed in the misfortunes of others we are creating the illusion of our own good fortune. "It will never happen to me!" "There, but for the grace of God, go I". We always partake of the survivors' news, almost convinced that it (death) will never happen to me. Seldom do we realise that the news of death by accident or design — gives us an excellent opportunity to explore our fear of death. When we can know that death is natural and necessary, and that every face is the face of Charon the ferryman, we can open ourselves to that Supreme Identity that lies behind all separate identities.
4. OPENING TO THE UNKNOWN
"If we examine our fear of death", writes Stephen Levine, "we see in it a fear of the moment to follow, over which we have no control." The practice of mindfulness opens us to a flowing stream of mind-states — many of which wc would gladly disown. Our refusal to face the unpleasant leaves us feeling threatened and vulnerable. If we arc to be whole we must deny nothing'. In denying that which is painful we create the condition of fear: fear of the next moment. We want to control everything so that nothing can disturb us. When we are able to open to the unknown moment to come — whatever it may be — then we will have the courage to live fully in the midst of death.
5. LETTING GO OF NOW
The fear of death is a measure of the fear of life. The stronger the sense of self, the more distinct is the feeling of separateness and the more overwhelming the fear of death. The practice of opening the heart, of compassion, allows each moment (pleasant or unpleasant) to be itself. If we are not able to allow things simply to be, then we will not be able to let them go. Anger and fear are mind-states which have a kind of "personality" that fixes and imprisons the open heart; when we can let them go by knowing what they really are we can travel beyond the prison of our own fears.
6. OPENING TO FEAR
When we are able to face whatever may happen to us with a mind that is not full of fear and doubt, worry or expectation, we can be fully present and open to a great mystery. When we are present for life, we are present for death. As Stephen Levine so clearly puts it, "It means being open to whatever happens, excluding nothing. Because if everything is OK except death, then eventually you notice that everything's OK but death and loss. And then everything is OK but death, loss and a bad pastrami sandwich. Then everything's OK but death, loss, a bad pastrami sandwich and the plumber coming. The limiting of what is acceptable narrows down to the cage of self protection in which we fitfully live so much of our life. Until "security" means nobody entering our cage. We are isolated. Nobody is rattling our bars."
I have tried to present the barest outline of an approach to dying using the Buddhist practice of mindfulness. "Right Dying" is the art of dying to each moment in such a way that we can meet our own physical demise with an open heart. I have had the privilege of being present at the moment of death on many occasions, and I have marvelled at the dignity and grace of those ordinary people who have broken through the "bars" of fear and pain. I have also felt sad and helpless in the company of those who were alone and afraid. Perhaps they could have been helped.
Six steps to right death and dying - by Dennis T. Sibley
