WHO AM I?
This simple question seems easy to answer at first but as soon as I start to think about it I realise that my name, or a description of my physical appearance is woefully inadequate to describe the myriad of thoughts, moods, actions and reactions that comprise myself and my life. Even a description of what I do becomes confusing because every day I wear so many different hats. I start the day maybe as a wife or a husband, then at work I become a secretary or a clerk or a teacher, at lunch I meet a friend then in the evening an acquaintance. Which of these roles is me?
In each role that I play, a different facet of my personality emerges. Sometimes I feel that I have to play so many different and opposing roles that I no longer know what sort of person I am. When I meet my boss at a party or my parents and friends come round at the same time, I become confused as to how to behave. Not only have I fixed myself a special way of acting towards them but in my mind I have also limited them to a certain role. I am only able to relate to them as 'my boss' or 'my parents', not as simply another human being. Yet I am quite aware that my real identity is not defined by the role I play. Howcan I think of myself? Who am I really?
What is needed is something constant, safe and stable. Our bodies seem to be such that, we get up in the morning, look in the mirror and we seem to be much the same as we were yesterday. But we all know that this is an illusion because gradually over the years our body is declining; it is not stable or constant. In Raja Yoga, instead of adopting this obvious bodily identification we start with our thoughts, awareness or consciousness and identify with that, because our thoughts are always there whatever age we are. Their content may change but our ability to think does not.
First of all, I am a thinking, experiencing being. And thoughts are not something physical that we can experience with the physical senses. I cannot see, taste or touch a thought physically. Thoughts are not made up of matter or even brain cells. I am anon-physical or spiritual being and we use the word 'self or 'soul' for this.
My form is the only form that cannot be destroyed, something so small that it cannot be divided, something without any physical dimension. I, the soul, am a subtle star, a point source of light energy and consciousness. This subtle form is the source of everything that I do, all thoughts, all words, all actions. Whatever I do or say, it is I, the soul that is performing that action through my body. The soul is like a driver and the body is the car. To be in complete control, the driver has to sit in the place where he has access to the controls and also can collect all the necessary information to make decisions. Since all actions begin with an impulse from the brain, the soul sits in the centre of the forehead at a point within the brain.
I now have a constant point of reference. My identity is - soul, and all the other identities, teacher, student, man, woman, father, mother, friend, relation etc., are simply different roles that I, the soul, play. A good actor or actress can play any type of part. They will play their role to the best of their ability, but will never actually think; T am Hamlet' or T am Cleopatra.'They know that however involved they are with their roles, at the end of the day they will take off their costumes and resume their real identities. So. whatever 'part' the soul is required to play, I understand that my real identity is. soul, a living, spiritual, eternal being and the body is simply my temporary, physical costume.
The soul has an innate set of qualities. These natural qualities are in fact the ones that I desire to experience. The first quality is peace, but also I am a loving, happy, even blissful individual. All 1 have to do is to experience myself as I truly am, to be constantly aware of myself as a soul. This is what is called 'soul consciousness'. It is not just something to experience while in meditation but also as I perform action. As I become more and more aware of who is performing each action, then I gain greater and greater control over my thoughts, feelings, words and actions. The natural consciousness of myself as a peaceful being then fills all my actions and the desire for peace of mind is fulfilled.
In meditation 1 begin to think about my true identity. I let thoughts about the soul and itsqualities fill my mind. Initially it doesn't matter how fast the thoughts are arising as long as they are moving in the right direction. If my thoughts wander away, gently I bring them back again to peaceful thoughts of the self. As I become involved in the experience of such thoughts they will gradually start to slow down and soon I will be able to 'savour' them. Just as when I am given something special to eat, I eat it slowly, appreciating each mouthful for its flavour and texture, so I begin to appreciate the experience contained in each positive thought. The simple phrase, T am a peaceful soul,' comes to life as I begin to feel it.
As you can see this isavery different approach to meditation than repeating a mantra or focusing on a candle or the rhythm of the breath. It works in two complementary ways. Through meditation I gain a better understanding of myself, and through understanding myself my meditation gets better. If 1 want my experience in meditation to improve then it is very important for me to spend some time every day thinking about and practising soul consciousness. Whereas a mantra is only used for meditation, here I bring my thoughts in meditation directly into my everyday life. This is the first and most important step in making meditation practical. As you go around doing things, feel yourself to be a soul acting a part through the body. Experience being detached from the body. When you see others look beyond their name, body, race, culture, sex or age and see them with the vision of equality -as a soul, like yourself, but simply playing a different part. This will help you to develop the qualities you need to remain peaceful all the time, such as tolerance, patience and love.
Through understanding and experiencing my true qualities I regain confidence and self respect and am no longer pushed and pulled by the expectations of others. By remaining soul conscious, I will stay in my true state of peace. This is something that will of course take time and effort to practise, but it is enjoyable in the meantime and I will gain great benefit from it later on.
Meditation Practice
When you sit down to meditate choose the quietest place you can find, preferably in a room which you do not use so often. If this isn't possible sit in a corner where the familiar objects around you won't distract your attention. Always sit in the same place so that whenever you sit there you know that is only for the purpose of meditation. This little mental preparation will help your concentration. Don't sit for too long or too short a time to start with; about 10 or 15 minutes is best. This will gradually lengthen naturally as you become more experienced. Soft or subdued lighting will help. You cah use a meditation commentary tape available from any Raja Yoga Centre to guide the mind in a positive direction.
When you finish your meditation, just take a moment to reflect on what you have experienced, notice how your mood has changed since sitting down. This will emphasise any experiences and help you to appreciate what you are gaining through meditation. One more suggestion would be of great benefit. Don't just meditate when you feel like it. The greatest progress is possible at the time when you really don't want to meditate or when you feel you can't. That's the time when you need to meditate the most!
Thoughts for Meditation
These thoughts are only a suggestion. Use your own or similar thoughts if you prefer. Any thoughts based on the awareness of myself as the soul are valid. Think slowly and try to experience each thought before moving on.
I withdraw my attention away from my physical limbs and senses... I focus on myself...I am listening through these ears ....I am looking through these eyes....I am behind these eyes ...in the centre of the forehead—an eternal spark of life energy...this life energy empowers the body...I am a non-physical being...an eternal soul...I am the actor.... this body is simply my costume...I focus my thoughts on this point in the centre of the forehead...a
tiny point of conscient light I feel completely detached from the body....
peaceful and light...I am a star radiating light... I find deep peace and contentment within...I now know my true self...an eternal, pure, peaceful soul.....I am in the ocean of peace...all conflict finishes...a deep, deep silence comes over me....Om Shanti.
Om, I am', and Shanti, 'peace'; I am a peaceful soul*.
Raja Yoga - Brahma Kumaris World Spiritual University
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